कोंबडी आधी की अंडं आधी

काल मावळलेला सूर्य सकाळी उगवलाय.  संध्याकाळी पुन्हा मावळणार आहे नव्याने उगवायला. सूर्यदर्शन घेऊन मी छाती भरून घेतलीय ती मी रिकामी करणार आहे पुन्हा भरून घ्यायला. संध्याकाळ-सकाळ-संध्याकाळ सतत चालू. काय आधी नी काय नंतर, काय नंतर नी आधी  काय.  उन्हाळा-पावसाळा-हिवाळा-उन्हाळा ऋतुचक्र सतत चालू.  दिवस रोज़ उगवतो पण ‘हर शाम की सुबह नई’. तेच ते तेच ते ,तरीपण नवीन ते. सुरुवात होते, नी संपते तीही सरुवातीच्या जागी येऊनंच. प्रत्येक शेवट हा नव्या सुरुवातीचा गर्भ असतो, प्रत्येक सुरुवात ही एका शेवटाची दवंडी असते. खरंतर आरंभ आणि शेवट हे आपण आपल्या समजूतीसाठी वापरलेले शब्द. नाहीतर कसली सुरुवात नी कसला शेवट. चंद्र पृथ्वीभोवती फिरतो, पृथ्वी सूर्याभोवती, तसंच इतर ग्रहांचं आणि त्यांच्या चंद्रांचं, मग ही आपली सूर्यमाला मोठ्या सूर्याभोवती फिरते,  अशा अनेक सूर्यमाला आकाशगंगेभोवती, एक आकाशगंगा दुस-या आकाशगंगेभोवती, अशा अनेक आकाशगंगा तिस-या आकाशगंगेभोवती, काही एकमेकांभोवती. पण फिरणं सतत चालू. कोणीही स्थिर नाही, काहीही स्थिर नाही. वर गेलंय ते खाली येणार, खाली आलंय ते वर जाणार. जवळ आहे ते लांब जाऊन जवळ येणार, लांब आहे ते जवळ येऊन लांब जाणार, मग पुन्हा सुरू. समुद्रातलं बाष्प वर गेलं, त्याचे ढग बनले, ढग पाऊस बनून जमिनीवर खाली आले, नद्यानाल्यांतून ते पाणी समुद्राला मिळाले पुन्हा ढग बनण्यासाठी.

आपल्या आयुष्यातही हेच, सतत. श्वास-उच्छ्वास-श्वास-उच्छ्वास, उठणे-झोपणे-उठणे-झोपणे सतत चालू. उठतो रोजच आपण, पण रोज उठल्यावर आपल्याला वेगळं वाटतं. कालच्यासारखं आज नसतं आजच्यासारखं कधीच नव्हतं, कधीच नसेल. नैसर्गिक क्रियाप्रक्रियांमध्ये आपण अशी अनंत चक्र अनुभवत असतो. तेच आपण आपल्या आवडीनिवडीत, आपल्या वर्तणुकीतही साहजिकपणे सामावून घेतलं आहे. अगदी आपल्या रंगसंगती, फॅशन सगळीकडे बदल करत करत परत पहिल्या जागी.  आपली कोळीनृत्य पहा. समुद्रच्या लाटांसारखं आलेआलेआले नि गेलेगेलेगेले. आपली आदिवासी नृत्य पहा किंवा लोकनृत्य पहा. संगीतात, गाण्यांत, पदन्यासात असेच पुनरावृत्तीचे अनुभव येत राहतात. भारतीय संगीतात शास्त्रीय पद्धतीने याची आवर्तानांत बांधणी केली आहे. गायन असो वा वादन असो, तालाप्रमाणे कुठेही फिरून कलाकार समेवर येतोच, नी तिथून पुन्हा उठतो. १० मात्रा, ११ मात्रा, १४-१६ मात्रा असतील, ताल कुठलाही असो, राग कुठलाही असो पण समेवर येणं काही चुकणार नाही. त्यात कंटाळवाणा तेचतेचपणा नसतो. प्रत्येक आवर्तन वेगळं , प्रत्येक आवर्तनाचं नाविन्य वेगळं, प्रत्येक आवर्तनातलं सर्जन वेगळं, सृष्टीचं व्यक्त होणंच जणू.

भारतीय परंपरेत, धार्मिक विचारांत विश्वाच्या चक्रागार गतीचा फ़ार खोलवर विचार केला आहें. आपल्या अनुभावांच्याच नाही तर आपल्या अनुभवक्षमतेच्याही मर्यादा जाणल्या आहेत आणि त्याच्या पलिकडे असलेली विश्वाची अगाधता जाणून घ्यायचा प्रयत्न केला आहे. समजापलिकडच्या गोष्टी उमगून घ्यायचा प्रयत्न केला आहे. अनेकदा आपले अनुभव एकदिशी असतात. काळ पुन्हा येत नाही, येऊ शकत नाही असे आपले अनुभव सांगतात. जन्म घेतल्यावर बालपण, तरुणपण, वार्धक्य नि शवटी मरून संपून जायचं असे आपले अनुभव आहेत. पण विश्वात काही निर्माण होत नाही नि काही नष्टही होत नाही. सृष्टीत जे आहे ते आहे. संपूर्ण सृष्टीचा आत्मा समान आहे, एक आहे. त्यामुळे जन्म म्हणजे आरंभ आणि मृत्यू म्हणजे अंत असं असू शकत नाही.  जन्म-मृत्यू-जन्म-मृत्यू अशा अथक अनंत आवर्तनांतला जन्म ते मृत्यू एव्हढाच भाग आपल्या पार्थिव अनुभवांना जाणवतो. म्हणून मग पुढच्या जन्मला पुनर्जन्म असं नाव दिलं. वैश्विक पातळीवर जसा पुनर्जन्म तसाच पुनर्मृत्यू, दोन्ही एकच. 

सृष्टी अशी आवर्तनांनी बनलेलेी आहें कारण विश्वच मूळी एक आवर्तन आहें. आपल्या समजूतीसाठी त्या आवर्तनांचे भाग करून त्यांना नावं दिली आहेत.  सत्यतुग, त्रेतायुग, द्वपारयुग, कलियुग नि पुन्हा सत्ययुग असा काल फिरत असतो. काल आणि कालौघाने त्याबरोबर फिरणारे विश्व अनादी अनंत आहेत. अनेक शहरांत पर्यटनासाठी चक्राकार फिरणारी हॉप-ऑन-हॉप-ऑफ बस असते ना, आपण पाहिजे तेव्हा पाहिजे तिथे चढतो नि पाहिजे तेव्हा पाहिजे तिथे उतरतो. तोच आपला प्रवास, तोच आपला विश्वाचा अनुभव. बस मात्र चालूच असते, अव्याहत. तिचा प्रवास संतत आवर्तानांचा, ना सुरुवात ना शेवट.

कळलं ना, कोंबडी आधी की अंडं आधी ते ? !

Blind Date With A German

I overheard a friend talking about her. Just a few words, but so enchanting, so inviting. I got her number and immediately called her for a date. I had understood that she was German, But apart from that I didn't know her, hadn't even seen or heard her. But those word of my friend. I just couldn't not call her. She wouldn't know me either. It was a wayward chance. But she agreed ! Oh really, …. surprisingly, …. shockingly she agreed !! She agreed to come over very next day !!!

She came, we met. and what happened afterwards ….. even Gods would call that divine ! It was not her eyes, nor her smile. Actually she hardly smiled. There was serenity in eyes. We talked. But mostly she talked and I listened. She talked about earth and sky, she talked about her roots and her fantasies. She talked about her tree and the grass around. She talked about her branches intwining. She spoke of her fragrances and the juices they are made of and of the juices she gets from the soil she is rooted. She talked of deep soil her roots have reached and each tiny cells her roots are made of. She spoke of what she is made of and what she makes. She let me know both her inside and her outside.

And she let off her coverings , one by one, to show not just her amazing body but all her intense inside. Her beautiful shine and those intriguing scars at awkward places. Her grace was disciplined and her discipline spontaneous.

She offered me her milk, and her venom. When I drank both, she took me in and melted into me. I am a different person now.

Had Gujarat Riots Happened if Godhra Incidence Had Not Happened

If a man claimed that another person has encroached on his land and if one of the two is hindu and the other muslim, the dispute between them is a personal, legal dispute and not a hindu-muslim dispute.  If there is a dispute between area boundaries of two housing societies, it is a legal dispute nothing do with religion. The Babri Masjid- Ram Janmabhoomi dispute should have been treated just the same - as a legal dispute over ownership of the land - and not as a dispute between hindu and muslim communities , nor as a conflict between all hindus and all muslims. But thats what extreme thinkers  at the time of L K Advani’s Rath Yatra attempted to project in 1990. In spite of assurances by Advani there was violence and riots at many places on Rath Yatra route. While Advani and BJP leaders kept a sober tone , VHP, Bajrang Dal and others upped the ante to very high  levels. In addition to depicting muslims, all muslims, as vicious, criminal, religious predators, as threat to women and life, muslims were also linked to Pakistan and described as terrorists. So if there was any inadequacy in inflaming religious fanatism, there was nationalistic jingoism to assist.  Stage was being set, battle cries were raised. All these were showing positive results for BJP with significant increase in parliament seats and winning majority in UP Assembly elections.

Gujarat has a centuries long history of tussles between hindu and muslim groups. But in those days such incidences were treated simply as tussles between any other groups. Only in the British Raj were they came to be defined as hindu-muslim conflicts. Since about mid-eighties hindu religious organisations with extreme ideology succeeded in building coordinated networks. They were able to cross caste barriers and reach even to adivasis. Their work was not only getting hindus together on religious foundation and increasing their religious ego, but they also preached militant and aggressive philosophy and actual training in arms. In the same breath they slowly preached hatred towards muslims. ‘We are great’ took secondary role to ‘they are bad’, ‘they need to be improved’, ‘they need to be taught a lesson’ !

Amidst this, A rally was decided to be held in December, 1992.  Big campaign was run all over the country by BJP, VHP, Bajrang Dal, Shivsena and other hindu organsiations. Huge crowds of animated followers convulsed at Ayodhya site. Either they really went beyond control or had tacit support of UP government and Central government, but they went beyond shilapoojan and demolished the masjid that was there. Not only were there huge jeering and cheering about the masjid demolition but big insults and intimidations were thrown towards muslims. Fanatics in muslim communities were not going to let the opportunity slip out. There were extended riots in different parts of the country resulting in loss of much life and property.

These hindu organisations had successfully managed to merge hindu religious sentiments with nationalism, and conversely being muslim was equated to being anti-national and supporter of Pakistan. This success was a huge help in inflaming emotions further. In spite of this BJP could not win enough seats in Lok Sabha to form government on its own and had to look for support. Vajpayee was selected as being more moderate than Advani. This tempered BJP a little but it rebounded through VHP and others. Limited success needed to be fortified and improved further.

Gujarat was a big player in all these, aided by frequent hindu-muslim disputes and riots in Ahmedabad, Vadodara, Surat etc. BJP won majority in Gujarat assembly elections in 1998. So in 1999 both Centre and Gujarat had BJP governments. It was time to govern . Under the pressure of governance Ram temple got pushed out of main political focus, though VHP and others continued working on their agenda. Governing was not easy, and in 2001 BJP suffered some significant setbacks in by-elections in Gujarat. Something had to be done. In December 2001 Chief Minister Patel was replaced by committed RSS pracharak Narendra Modi. And Ram temple issue was brought back into prominence. Senior BJP politicians kept talking peace and development but every time they also kept mentioning ‘traitors’ and Pakistan. VHP, Bajrang Dal and others became aggressive and abusive in their language, wielding trishuls often. VHP organised a maha yadnya at ram temple sight. Thousands of volunteers / devotees / ramsevaks from Gujarat went to Ayodhya, not just charged with building ram temple but full with hatred against muslims deeply ingrained in themselves. Even amongst this emotional high, in the by elections held on 21 February, 2002, BJP lost 2 out 3 assembly seats. Only CM Modi won his seat.

In February 2002 thousands of devotees (know as ramsvaks or karsevaks) had gone from Gujarat to Ayodhya at behest of VHP to take part in Purnahuti Mahayagna. On 25th February 2002  about 2000-2500 ramsevaks boarded Sabarmati Express for return journey, without reservations, and many without tickets. Each coach was filled with passengers douple-triple its capacity. Train started towards Vadodara. It is said that on all stations that the train stopped these volunteers would get down and create ruckus, often abusing muslims on platforms, making them shout “Jai Shri Ram”. (There are also hearsay reports of similar incidences on way to Ayodhya). It is not investigated whether this news had reached muslim community of Godhra, but strangely, government officials officials did not seem to have have any intimation or warning, before the train reached Godhra in early morning of 27th February. Godhra station is surrounded by residences of a muslim community. Some of them are reported to be involved in petty crimes at and around Godhra station and yard. On the platform of Godhra station there were same scenes as at earlier stations. There were incidences with vendors, many of whom were muslims. A old muslim vendor was abused. Some say the incidence happened on platform while some claim it happened in coach S-6. A young muslim woman was picked up by someone. Though she managed to escape and hide inside booking office, rumours started going around , or were deliberately spread, and easily believed that muslims women are being picked up and one is taken into a coach. Due to this and also due to troubles with vendors who had strong support nearby, fights erupted. Train started its onward journey to Vadodara but was stopped as Alarm Chain was pulled from multiple coaches. Some say it was stopped by muslim who wanted to stop the train and some say it was stopped by ramsevaks as many of them were left behind on the platform as the train started rolling forward. Report by the guard of the train said that many people from platform ran behind the train to get in. Arguments and fighting continued. Crowd also had gathered on one side of the track. Police theory claims that the crowd was part of the conspiracy, but there is nothing done to prove this. It could just be a crowd of people interested in finding out what was happening to their folks on platform, or it could be a crowd of mere onlookers. It is important to note that there were many women and children in that crowd. Train started moving again but the girl was nowhere to be seen. Some said she was in coach S-6. Meanwhile some in the crowd had started pelting stones at the train. So passengers closed all doors and windows. It became dark  and stuffy inside. The coach S-6, with capacity for 72, had 130-200 passengers in it, many were ramsevaks. Somebody from outside managed to make the train stop again. The train stopped at Cabin A about a kilometre from the platform. Stones were being thrown at the train. Some of the vendors had stoves with them. Probably using fuel from those stoves, burning rags were thrown into coaches - maybe to make the passengers open the doors. There were smokes from couple of coaches but passengers managed to quickly douse those. For reasons unique to S-6, fire inside that coach could not be doused and it spread very quickly inside the coach. Many investigators could not find conclusive evidence of what exactly made coach S-6 to catch fire so fast but everyone is in agreement that the fire was from inside the coach. Police theory accepted by the sessions court is that the accused got into the coach S-6 and set it on fire by dosing petrol. But none of the passengers have seen anybody getting in or throwing any liquid. All four Exit doors and doors towards both vestibules were stacked with luggage, some claim to prevent doors being opened from outside. Some passengers somehow managed to get three doors opened and escape started. One passengers has stated that there was some fire and lot of smoke and then big fire erupted at seat No. 72. When he was standing he felt intense heat on upper part of his body and so he crawled out. In a short while whole coach started burning. 59 passengers (some of them ramsevaks but others were normal passengers with reservations) were not able to come out and got charred to death. 

Police theory is that there was conspiracy to burn coach S-6 but the theory has not given any details about what was special about this coach that it was particularly chosen to be burnt. Police claim that accused came to spot with 7 carboys of 20 litres of petrol each, cut open the vestibule (which 5 ft and above from the ground) between coaches S-6 and S-7, cut open the upper parts of carboys, got into the vestibules with carboys (20 litres of petrol in each carboy) , broke open the door going into S-6, got into the coach poured all the petrol, and came out by opening a door, set the petrol on fire -  totally unhurt and unseen. Nobody from coach S-6 have seen any of this, nobody from other coaches have seen anybody getting in, nobody from the railway staff or onlookers had seen any of this. Theory seems completely implausible with circumstantial evidence against it. The Sessions court has accepted the Police argument on the basis of confessions of the accused made in front of the Magistrate, though these confessions were retracted later during the hearing of the case.

There are some more points to be noted:

• None of the railway staff was touched, even those who were hindu
• None of the people on the platform or in the station were touched.
• None in the crowd were touched, though it is not verified by the police whether the crowd was 100% muslims or there were hindus in it too.
• There were no incidences of rioting against hindus in Godhra town
• When a army man passenger jumped out of S-6 and was held by the gang of youth on the track, he pleaded that he was a armyman. On seeing his ID card he was allowed to go. Though seeing name he was hit saying “Oh, this man is hindu’, but in the end he was safely escorted away from the track
• Some of the main conspirators accused of planning a conspiracy were acquitted by the court. 
• No traces of carboys, neither of the main bodies nor of the upper portions which had been cut off, were recovered from the site - neither from coach, nor from vestibule, nor from track.

All these things strongly suggest

• There was no conspiracy
• Conflagration had happened on the spur of the moment
• The incidence, whatever it was, was not against general hindus by general muslims, but it was directed only at passengers, particularly ramsevaks by some people on platform and around.
• There does not seem to be intention to set a coach on fire, certainly not a specific coach S-6.
• Unfortunate deaths did happen due to a coach catching fire, some of the dead, though not all, were ramsevaks returning from Ayodhya

Around noon of that day, Collector of Godhra, Jayanthi Ravi had announced that it was an incidence of violence and not an act of terror. But by the evening, CM Modi had declared, without an iota of evidence, that it was a terror attack. At the moment police had no clue about what had happened and it was weeks later that they filed a conspiracy chargesheet. It may appear that CM was directing the conclusion of police investigation.  All the passengers of that train, even those who were merely gone as devotees and those who had nothing to do with ram temple, were called ramsevaks. CM and BJP leaders and hindu religious leaders  kept on highlighting that there were women and children amongst the dead. 

Next day, against the advise of some senior-most bureaucrats, government gave permission to get dead bodies to Ahmedabad for identification. Dead bodies were brought to Ahmedabad civil hospital before day-break, some accuse, in a big procession, with pilot gypsys and vans made to look like raths. VHP and BJP called bandh for 2 days. Again, in spite of the advise by senior bureaucrats to ban this bandh, it was not banned. Generally when there are possibilities of mass trouble, political and other leaders are detained till situation starts normalising. I have not seen anything suggesting this was done in Gujarat at that time.  There were announcements by senior leaders expressing grief which was ok, but the death of women and children was highlighted time and again till the election campaign in December, 2002. It was called an attack on hinduism and consequently an attack on the nation. Questions were asked to the citizens whether they will be mute spectators to attacks by muslims. It was told that the time has come to discard Mahatma’s philosophy. All these created a spark to the already overheated fuel. And the carnage started before noon that day! It continued next day, and next day and went on. At places muslims defended, at places counterattacked. There were some muslims who saw this as opportunity in adversity. This went on for three months. 

All the time later BJP, VHP and Bajrang Dal leaders kept on shouting how 59 ramsevaks were mercilessly burnt alive , women and little children among them, how these muslims hatched this inhuman conspiracy, how these demons were against our religion, our nation, how these devils need to be taught a lesson. And then they would entice the crowd to respond yes or no. They would ask if you want to be impotent when your women were raped and burnt. When it was found out that ramsevaks in the train had had fights in every station, had misbehaved with women on platforms and also inside the train, instead of checking whether that could be related to the subsequent incidence, leaders shouted “for 2 rupee cup of tea they burnt our women and children”. During and after the carnage these leaders proudly proclaimed how they had given up Mahatma and followed a true path. 

When the state government was severely criticised internationally for the massacres that happened under its rule and was accused of conniving with the culprits, and CM Modi was called ‘Maut ka Suadagar’ , he came out with Gujarat Gaurav Yatra. He toured all over Gujarat and held rallies enticing and asking people to shout against burning of women and children, to stand up against terrorists, to stand up behind those who gave justice, to be a nationalist and stand behind patriots of Gujarat and so on. And it bore tremendous fruits - from loosing by-elections in late 2001 and early 2002, to two-third majority in December 2002! Politicians accused of coordinating and directing the frenzied crowd won with thumping majority. BJP’s electoral wins were more fantastic in places where riots were worse. Party and leaders claimed being absolved of any blame for the riots. If there was any indication that government had helped in riots, then it would be taken to its credit. RSS man, a real hindu patriot, was king of Gujarat now. Years of hard work and planning had paid off. VHP and friends claimed to have earned the right to pronounce themselves to be sole representative of rising true hindus, that they say should be treated as voice of all hindus. It wasn't only about Gujarat. Eyes turned to Delhi and vision all over India.

Some say, Gujarat riots happened because Godhra happened. If Godhra had not happened? … This question by itself is an utopia. After years of planning, getting quick response teams ready, inflaming emotions , creating hysteria you just can’t remain a mute spectator to things not happening. Had it been not been Godhra it might have been some other place, if not train it might have been temple, if not people getting burnt it might have been idols getting destroyed. Something had to happen, hindu pride had to get its due respect.   

Whatever has happened or not allowed to happened, can not be changed. Then CM of Gujarat has now been elected PM of the nation. Ruling party is same. But people of the nation seem have learnt a big lesson. If election results in past months are to go by, if reactions to speeches and actions of religious extremism are to go by, people of the nation are not willing to get brainwashed into violence. There are people who are trying to create violence and there are people, even from religions’ fraternity, who are standing up against it. That may be a big long term positive for the nation !

References :

• Judgement of the Court of The Sessions Judge, Godhra - Sessions Case No. 69/2009, 86/2009, 204/2009.
• Books ‘Gujarat Files’ and ‘Scarred: Experiences of Violence in Gujarat’
• Documentaries ‘Raam Ke Naam’, and ‘Final Solution’
• Wikipedia and other internet pages
• My own interpretations of what could happen and could not happen and so on to what would have happened.

Consent

All men and women, lets get clear with ‘consent’. She HAS to say Yes 

• very clearly and explicitly
• to you
• to what you want to do
• to do it NOW
• till the end you are done doing it
• when she was conscious and alert

It is unimportant whether 

• she appeared to be saying yes
• she did not say no
• she had said yes in the past
• she has agreed to say yes in future
• whether she is hungry / thirsty for it
• she has said yes to 1000 others
• she has said yes 100 times to you
• she is your wife or mistress
• she was asleep and could not have said yes
• had said yes , but changed her mind
• she is dating your son
• her husband / brother has insulted your father   

No, all that is irrelevant

She HAS to consciously say YES, to You, Now, to whatever you intend doing.

And there HAS TO BE consent

That’s it !

Remember, o’ candidate

    Remember, o’ candidate 

If I vote for you it only means I found you most optimal of the list. If I don't vote for you it only means I found a better choice.

I may vote for you but oppose your party. I may oppose you but support your party

I may oppose both you and your party, but still vote for you because I found you most optimal of the list. I may support both you and your party but will not vote for you if I find a better suite in the list 

If I vote for you it doesn't mean I will agree with everything you are going to  do. If I don't vote for you doesn't mean I will oppose everything you are going to do.

In the frenzy of victory, and in melancholy of defeat - remember this

Between now and 5 years - remember this

After now and before 5 years, I want to have a say

You may do things that I disagree, you may do things I don’t say, but I want to have a say

Between now and 5 years, I want to say and I want to be heard. I want to see you again and again

Remember this

Dream, Marathon And Meditation

'Respect begets respect'. I experienced this during marathon training in a very different way. During training, my body and my mind became two separate entities supporting each other. My mind had dreamt of running full marathon (FM). But  until body too agreed with it I could not say 'I' want to run FM. And my body was skeptical, very very skeptical! So we made a deal - 'Let us try!' - if any one of us feels it enough, we will quit. Then started the training building up - step by step, minute after minute, mile on mile. We realised how much efforts and commitment each of us was putting in. When, anytime, body said that lets not run today, I am not feeling upto it. We respected. We had come to differentiate between lethargy and fatigue. We had come realise that lethargy has become thing of the past. After grueling hours of last week or for no reason at all, body may feel tired. I am much past the age when I could run couple of hours more after getting dead (I mean getting dead tired). So when body said no, it was No. Body reciprocated this respect with grace, During the final run when each and every muscle was tired, it still kept moving. It held all cramps waiting at doorsteps till I reached my hotel after the race.

It was new to me that I could stay off my scotch and desserts, and enjoy it too! I also owe it to all my kith and kin that they aligned all our get-togethers. Parties, late-nights to my training schedule. As the training progressed I started feeling lighter. Not that I had lost much weight but the feeling inside has changed. It was a satisfaction to try to live a dream, when many people felt I am past the age to dream. But the dream has seeped in every bit me. The 'why' was there and 'how' automatically followed. I did not need to push myself into training nor did I need to hold myself from overdoing. I respected my age, my health, my abilities - both in capacities and limitations.

Then came the day! Mumbai Marathon 2013. A beautiful route along the sea, cheering crowd, wonderful weather. I was actually doing what I had visualised so many times. Miles were building and I was steady. I reached half the distance. I felt that I have covered half the distance but have taken only one third of efforts. Two thirds are still remaining. But, fortunately now, the count down has started. 21, 20, 19,..,15,...  Remaining. Only one third distance remaining. My legs are going heavy and mind light. There were runners all around. Some surging ahead, some slowing down, some stopping to rest. I was reminded of the movie scenes from World War II. Allied soldiers all over - tired, ragged, hungery, injured - but still in high spirits. They knew that the was is theirs to win.

Distance remained is in single digit now. There are still people cheeing, there are still co-runners encouraging each other. But all this is getting hazy. All I am doing is talking to my legs. A muscle is feeling tired, shift the running posture. Another one feeling thirsty, drink in water. Each muscle is vocal and my mind is talking to each of them. Ok, ok, its time to take it easy. We have eased to walk-trot. After this rest muscles take charge and prod my mind. And so it goes on. Distance is getting covered. Step by step, literally step by step. I am in a movie scene being filmed by myself. Only my legs are in focus and a foot of road. Hard road. Some of my muscles have gone as taught. But they are still moving. I don’t know how much distance is remaining. I know its not long but it does not matter. We have to keep moving till the finish line. Oh, the camera now is focused more sharply. I can not feel whole step at a time. Its only movement. Lift, forward, forward, forward, down. This lifting is getting heavier and forward is getting longer. But thankfully stepping down is much much lighter now.   All of myself is completely focused on this movement - an inch, a millimeter. This and now, is what the world is. This and now is I !

Suddenly there is pat on my shoulder. I friend is running along. He is going to run the last mile with me. Oh my God, the LAST mile! And this dear friend running next to me. My eyes get wet. Tears reach my legs and magic happen. My legs have gone easy. I am running again.

Quotable Thoughts About Truth

• Truth is transient.
• Truth is like a ball. How it looks depends upon from where you see and how you see.
• If truth is that elephant then we are those blind men trying to understand it.
• Truth is grey, almost always
• Development of science started with western society moving from 'the truth' to 'a truth'
• Other side of Truth coin is Doubt
• TO doubt is to be committed to truth, its purity.
• In a society like India, where there are a billion versions of God Himself, one can see why it is difficult to agree on a common truth


(Thoughts are mine, quotes can be yours)

Please feel free to Add, Delete, Edit, Modify, Think, Unthink

Cost of Cleanliness

For past few there is lot of talk on the filth and anarchy at Commonwealth Games preparations in Delhi. Western countries have been particularly upset about the conditions. One of the organising officials attributed this cultural differences in perception. There was big hue and cry against this officer. But the fact that what he said is really true. Be it cultural or genetic or something else, Indians ARE unclean, undesciplined, lethargic. You go anywhere in India, you will find these characteristics abundant. Those are some of 'unity in diversity' specialities. Indians might be unique in the amount of filth they crate around themselves, in the degree of recklessness about their own lives, and so on.

In a different perspective this lethargy has benefits attached to it. Indians did not go around marauding and massacring in the name of peace, trade, conquest or politics. Indians do not terrorize countries in 'war on terror'. Indians did not erase forests for Indonesia to Africa to Brazil. Indians did not plunder natural resources, be it underground, on surface or in sky, as if those are infinite, as if they are costless, as if they have no waste.

Indians do have their own houses dirty, shabby, smoky etc. Their backyards are worse. And then there are societies who have great houses, and they have big pipelines throwing all their waste beyond their neighborhood. Its no coincidence that casting and hot forging industries in India boomed the time Europe tightened pollution laws and increased energy tariffs. Now Europe boasts of clean air and scoff at smogs in India and China. Unfortunately smogs are not like rocks, they spread.

I am not sure who is worse, the man who lives in filthy house or the man who keeps his clean and throws his filth all across continents. There must be some mid-way which can be called good.

WTF, why should I care! My economy is doing great in automatic single-use products that I manufacture and sell. But I am aware that when I point one finger at anybody, other three fingers are pointing at myself. This humility is a door towards brightness into long future ahead.

Random wandering into Feeling

Thanks to guys like Roger Federer, tears are gaining in respectability. They are helping crying-weeping to come out of dungeons of sissyhood, out into manliness. A man now need not be wary of being rediculed because he cries like a girl. Man can now proudly 'cry like a man'!

A person who can cry, can laugh heartily! But whats big deal about crying and laughing. Nothing. The BIG deal is about expressing, about being able to express, about being in touch with emotions. What will a human be without emotions! ? Human being will turn into a evolved (?) mechanical being, a mere device.

I dread such a situation. I would rather be an ape than a robot.

'Nren (Naren) Nren, 1-2-3, attend board meeting for 1 hour, give conlcuding speech for 13 mins, out of office in 49 secs, turn left into car, drive home, eat for 5 mins, copulate for 3 mins, send emails to overseas vendor, sleep for 6 hrs, . . . .' - OMG - even the thought is making me feel shit scary !

Life in worth living only because I can feel. Lets come together and build an environment where 'feeling' is encouraged and enriched.

lethal railways

Indian railways is the third largest employer in the world after Chinese Peoples Liberation Army and Walmart. Its wide and dense network has been important mode of travel and commuting for the huge Indian population.
I have always felt awe at the way it handles all its complex functions with only most basic of technology in extremely populated environment. Not only wonder, I have felt pride in this Indian Railways.
But things seem to be changing fast. safety is waning. there have been six major accidents in just one year. Indian Railways is fast catching with Chinese coal mining in lethality.
Most of the accidents with Indian railways are attributed to human error. In Indian situation I would rather call it human negligence. what else can we expect amidst utter disregard toward any system and discipline.
Number of actual accidents we see is much less than what it deserve to be. All credit goes to Indian compassion. People don't expect systems to work and are always watching out on other people to act out of turn.

Artist, Scientist and Child

Van Gogh painted in bright sun till his eye site got affected by brightness. In a fit of emotions he cut his ear. Archimedes came out running naked straight from his bath tub shouting 'Eureka'. German scientist had a dream which lead to the discovery of ringlike chemical structure of Benzene. Issac Newton had made two holes in lab door, bigger hole for mother cat and smaller one for its kitten. Albert Einstein's wife has said that whenever Einstein came up with something fundamentally new, it had invariably happened that he would be playing violin late into previous night.


Picasso had said that an artist takes his childness into adulthood. But why only artists! Anyone who has pure intensity of emotions, who has uncontrollable passion has retained his/her childness. Passion to develope, to explore, to invent, to create, passion to change, insatiable passion for new and to be new!

Wagging Love

Some babies are born with silver spoon in their mouth, some are born with golden spoon. I was born with doors of my house open. Love came in from all doors and windows. Even before I was born, at the first signs of my arrival love had started filling our house and our hearts. We welcomed it with open arms and wide smiles. So much of love started arriving that we had to break open the walls and make news widows. Wide big windows, from floor to roof. Our family was blessed with all that warmth and love. We kept on welcoming it.

We kept on welcoming it till one evening love followed me in the form of tiny woolly ball with wagging tail. We were all snoochy-moochy to receive this ball with a wagging tail and seducing squeaks. As time went on, my mother started realizing side-effects of love. With incessant slaps of wagging tail, woolly ball jumping through her legs during household chores, and cute squeaks asking for attention all through the night, she started feeling like love is sort of started overflowing for her. She had more than enough of love. She tried to keep that woolly ball out but it bounced back in. All efforts to get rid of this live ended in vain. So she did the next best thing she could do, that was to ensure no more love could come in. She closed all doors and windows and sealed them with latches and locks. Now nothing could come in. And nothing could go out either!

Woolly ball was naturally called Wuly. With no way to go out Wuly showered all her love on me. I used to be wet with love all the time. This wetness percolated inside to my heart and too became full of woolly love and I was always smiling, cheery, lovey. From Wuly I learnt to wag, I learnt to move my ears. When I entered a room I would know beforehand who were inside and who had left, merely by their smells. By their smells I would know who is happy or who is angry. I became so adept in these expressions that my family would lovingly call me Wulo. In school my antiques were looked at with some fascination, some fun and some ridicule. Some boys were called girlie or sissy, while I was called doggy. I did not mind it, rather I was enjoying all of it. It went on well till I went to high school, where I took fancy of girl. Soon she was called as girlfriend and I was called her dogfriend. Then I realized that things are going a bit too far. It was all alright about me but I would not want my girlfriend to be ridiculed, though she herself did not mind it. But now I was grown up and I have to take care of my girlfriend. I need to be a man.

It was very difficult for me. I needed to close doors and windows of myself. My feeling could no more flow out freely as and how they wanted. I had become man and feelings would have to walk out of me only in a manly way. That was the first jolt to my young and lively heart. Destiny had enabled me to learn all the nature's wonderful ways of expressing and receiving feelings, but now I would need to sacrifice all those in order to be a man! Ooooff!

In the early stages of evolution as man started reaping benefits of developed mind, its focus shifted more and more towards mind. In the process all other facets and abilities got neglected. Today we have reached such a stage that we have hardly anything to fear from the external world. The biggest threats to mankind are from its own kinds, from its own selves. So many of conflicts, so many fights arise out of misunderstandings that if man had been able to communicated better his life in turn would become a lot better. A man would not have to doubt about his girl-friend or a woman about her boyfriend. She would not need to ask him, "Do you love me?". She would know herself by his smell, his sound, his so many bodily actions. When a person is trying to feign his emotions, others would immediately know what he is really feeling. People would not need to go around uttering "I love you, dear" so many times as to make those three lovely words a cliché. Our expressions, our smell, our sounds, our touch, our actions, anything and everything would clearly speak out our love, our anger, our sulkiness.

We have reached a state where most of our basic needs are getting satisfied with minimal of efforts and time, and we have left with lots of time to do nothing. This is pushing us to contemplating, to look deeper into ourselves, to seek to find out 'why's of our actions. And what we are seeing is surprising many. Most of our seemingly rational, logical actions arise from emotional, completely irrational roots. Rationality is seeing to be inadequate to satisfy our emotional needs. And we are seeing the changes. The old time heroes with stony faces and inhuman actions maybe bygones. Today's heroes are more explicit in their expressions. We are seeing many of hard-nut sportsment openly giving out their intense emotions. We see them shout aloud, see them kiss ground, see them laugh or cry, cry both in pain of loss and in pleasure of winning. Just yesterday a young Chief Minister of an Indian state said publicly, "If I react with a bit of emotion, good. For too long, politics has been dehumanized in this country". Well said, Chief Minsiter. My whole hearted applause to you. I too am looking forward to the days when I can muster enough courage to raise my ears and to wag my tail openly and to the days when my friends too can gather courage to respond to me with wagging their tails.

Puppy

In the wee hours of early morning a sweet cute puppy was born on a street. Next morning an equally sweet and cute young girl woke up to the cuty moans of the puppy below her window. She ran outside and at the site of the sweet ball she was so excited she immediately took it to her bosoms. She felt she knew that it was born for her, only for her. She looked up to thank God. And behold . ... . At the very moment there were sounds of bells, all sorts of bells. Jingle bells, church bells, temple bells, alarm bells. And there was God up there , smiling down on her. "Good morning", said the God. She was stunned, "Oh My God. Its YOU!", she cried. "Yes, my child. Its me, IT IS ME. I have come to tell you something very nice, something very serious. I am happy that you are taking the puppy. You will experience heaven with it, I assure you. But that heaven will be short lived. I am telling you because this puppy is my child and I don’t want to see you unhappy when it will come running to me very soon. I want you to learn happiness from it and share it and spread it". "Oh no. You are so cruel, God ! If you already knew all this, then why have you sent it to me? Why do you want me to suffer a loss of such a lovely dear one?", asked the girls with tears flowing from her eyes. God kept quiet for a while, waiting for her to get over her sudden emotions. Then he said, still smiling, "My sweet dear, I don’t want you to suffer. Rather I want you know and share what sheer, pure happiness is. If you can see, if you learn that sheer pure happiness, you will have all the answers within you." God paused a while, and continued, "But let me first tell you a small story about this puppy"

"There was a sage living on this planet. A divine soul leading a earthly life. He lived for many many years. So many years that no man has ever lived. He lead a sacred life. He did tapashcharyaa for many years. As years went by he gained in knowledge and wisdom. Seemed like he had won over nature, had won over God. His life and death had come under his own commands. He would decide when to leave. The time finally came. He felt he has learnt all that could be learnt, he had done all that could be and should be done. His purpose was completed and it was time to pass beyond this world. He was ready to achieve to achieve mokhsaa. He prepared to bid adieu. He passed on his knowledge and wisdom all that could be passed on. He left his life behind and was on his way to the ultimate. While merging with the One, he thought of looking back to see if he has missed something that he should have done or if he has left something which he should have taken with him. And Lord behold . . . . . He did see something that he had missed out on. Missed something very important that left him much less than complete. Now he would not go towards the One, moksha was rightfully for him. He stopped in his path wondering. He had left his old sage body behind and he could not go back there. But he HAD to go back and do that which he felt he had missed out on and complete his completeness. "

"He stopped midway, hanging between life and eternity. He started meditating, a bodiless soul meditating, bringing all his knowledge and wisdom together. Slowly a light emerged from nowhere. And from that light the answer came forward. He had no choice. He had to go back into life and live out whatever he had missed out on. Light stayed on but kept changing, like flowing water. It was changing every moment but still He had shared what he learnt, what he gained, what he achieved. He had shared fruits of his knowledge and wisdom. He had spread happiness and bliss. He had touched many a hearts to smile and laugh. But he had not laughed himself. He had helped many a children play , but he had not been a child himself. He had helped dissolve hatred into love, but he had not loved himself. He did not love and he was not loved. This knowledge spread like a smile into the soul. He realized that until he loves and is loved, until he smiles inside like blinking stars he is not complete with his completeness. Until he can love solely because he can not but love, until he can smile because he can not be without smile he can not be One. And this he has do in a life form."

"So he has chose this lifeform of a puppy. The fastest and purest way to love and be loved. He is a sage and will learn very very fast. But don’t worry. For his own purpose he will never make you unhappy. He will share the power of love with you. Be assured that then on you will never feel short of love, to give and to receive. It is for this reason he ahs chosen to be a puppy and nothing else."

With these words God smiled and started descending down. He kept coming down and down, and came near to her and went into the puppy in her arms. She looked down, the puppy was looking at her with its puppy-special eyes and there was a sweet wet something licking her cheek. The girl held the puppy closer, her eyes moist and her heart full.

Music and Mind, and Architecture

Its not often that we will find Indian classical music program being conducted open air. Indian classical music is less about percussions, beats, speed, volume and more about finety and purety of tunes and their interplay. Sound resonating from surrounding structures play an very important role in creating the whole effect. Artists would bring their instruments pre-tuned but that is only approximate tuning. Final, fine, perfect tuning is done on the spot just before singer starts singing. Many artists take emmense efforts to ensure all instruments are properly tuned, resonating with each other and with singer's onw voice. This is reflection, resonance, feedback is very important to create wholesome, harmonious effect of music.

Isn't it same with our human mind. Left by ourselves, in isolation we tend to feel disconnected, lost, confused, disinterested .... We are constantly checking for reflection, response, resonance from surrounding human structures. Sometimes we even choose a particular structure for a particular feedback.

For our mental harmony it is important that we choose and cultivate proper resonating humans structures around us. It is important that we fine tune our ability to listen and understand and respond to resonance.

For architects of human mind its a continual challange, while building a human structure, that they take immaculate care also to design surrounding human structure.

All this together makes our emotional environment, ecology, harmony or whatever word you choose to relate to such fascinating interplay.

- Naren

Oppressed Men

American man Mansfield Fraizer says about what happened after he heard the news of his beloved wife in a car accident, "I don’t remember much after that. I had the mental breakdown I so needed and deserved." (More about him can be found onhttp://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-04-04/confessions-of-a-man-who-almost-went-postal/3/)

I HAD THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN THAT I SO NEEDED AND DESERVED -- what a statement! What courage a MAN would need to feel, accept and express this way.

And look at all those women complaining about oppression and all. You are lucky ladies, you can put blame on something/someone outside yourself, other than you. You would never need to realize how it feels to be frozen inside an iceberg, that is yourself. May God bless you.

Thank you Mr. Mansfield Fraizer

Faith, love and hope

A young girl met with a severe road accident. The accident was so bad that nobody expected her to survive. But she did, just enough. Just enough for doctors to make a try. Lots of tubes, lots of scopes and meters covered her. Days went by. She was on the border line, her balance all tilted towards other side. But all these devices, all these tubes, all these injections had barely managed to hold her on. Doctors had almost lost any hope, her parents too were loosing hope very fast. It was extremely painful to watch that lifeless body breathing though the ventilator, eating through those tubes and fighting through those frequent piercing injections.

The accident had occurred just at a major turning point in her life. She was engaged and was to get married in a few days. She and her fiance had made all the plans to last details. Only the auspicious ceremonies were remaining and they would enter into a new life. A life full of love, full of hope just waiting to unite. Both of them were floating in dreams of a lovely future they were to going live together.

And now, all of a sudden, all that love, all those dreams were threatened to get crushed under a stroke of destiny. The young boy seemed a man of grit, man of faith, man full of love. Everyday after his working hours he would come to the hospital and sit by her side. Touching her, looking into her closed eyes, talking to her, conversing with her. He would be there late into the night. Every night it was difficult for him to make himself retire. He would say good-bye with a gentle sqeeze of her hand, with a light kiss and a soft bye-bye and walk away calmly.

Days passed by in this routine. Her medical condition did not improve. Doctors had declared her beyond recovery. Parents had lost all hope. It was a matter of single decision. All the gadgets, devices, pricks and tubes would step aside. She would quietly float into the other side. This young man had different ideas. All through the ordeal he was calm and quiet and assured. He refused to accept the 'expert' advise, he accept to listen to the destiny. He said that I am talking to her and she has told me she is going to come back to me. Right now she is feeling confused and can not find her way back. But we are talking and she will come.



There is a Kannad poem by poet Puttappaa. Its free tranlation goes something like this:
hope hope hope ,
my soul
till you yourself become God

Disciple and Master

After feeling bad experiences earlier night and whole of the day, a disciple was feeling very agitated. A bad day was still haunting him into a cool evening. Not able to calm himself he went to Master.
“Master, Master, why is everybody so bad to me?”, he asked Master
Master raised his eyebrows questioningly.
“The night had been very bad. A moonless night with all stars darkened by dark clouds! There was not a shade of light to see. There were cold gusty winds to accompany this total darkness. It was a night of ghosts dancing all around me. I was not allowed to sleep, not have a moment of peace. Cold night was followed by a very hot day. My well had been dried up and I had to walk a mile to get some water. The sun was so cruel that it kept on scorching my back, my face.”, said the disciple.
Master spread his eyes smilingly.
Getting more agitated by such a smile, the disciple continued, “This isn’t all. On my way back, feeling tired and hungry, I saw a mango tree. I ran to it to get some mangoes, but it had hidden all of them. There was not a single mango that it would offer a hungry, suffering man!”

Master’s smile widened. He said, “Yes, maybe I know that tree. Once I saw traveller there, full of hunger and thirst, lying underneath that tree. I ran towards him, intending to ask him to told on till I get water for him. When I reached him I was surprised. He was smiling and speaking to the tree. He was thanking the tree that it gave him shadow in his last moments. So now he could meet God with cool head and warm heart. I got him water and gave some food that I had. He thanked me, thanked the tree again, got up, bowed to the sun and walked on. He never ceased to smile.”

Obama and Mahatma Gandhi

I was awed by the hope and the emotional involvement Obama managed to generate during his election campaign. Never before had I seen Americans so much involved in presidential elections. It went on increasing, quantitatively and qualitatively, as the elections neared. It reached the peak for Obama's oath taking ceremony. Some say two million people had gathered! 2 million people at one place! In America! Their face all lit up with hope and expectations. People of all races, all age, all religion, both sexes! Everybody had gathered togetherr in shared hope for the future. They had been party to a dream and they wanted to witness the dream start getting into reality. They wanted to wish their leader all the luck and wanted to extend their heartfelt support to him. Obama did not let them down. His speech touched everybody present and everybody watching in absence. Even I could not stop my dry eyes from getting wet with emotions.

In my life I had the fortune of witnessing another such happening in India. Way back in 1977 when emergency was invoked and elections were announced. The free voice suppressed during emergency expressed itself in full fervor. People were determined to reinforce their freedom.

I have heard of another movement in India. It was the independece movement by Mahatma Gandhi. He had achieved results on a much much larger scale. he was a semi god in the eyes of people. He was their hope! But he did not stop there. he did not stop at garnering hope and stirring emotions. He did not say that "I will get you independence, I will bring change, Follow me". He not only said "WE" but actually got all into commitment, into action. Millions of people sacrificed their family lives, quit their jobs and careers, went to prisons, took on police brutalities. He enabled all citizens to cross beyond the steps of emotional involvement into arena of action. He realized and communicated that nothing can happen, definitely not lost, unless people participated, contributed both by emotions and actions. He did not need paid agencies to pitch for support, paid employees to to work. He lead by example. He gave off his possible wealth, his legal career, his lifestyle and saw beyond his personal and material and short term gains. Millions and billions of ordinary people were his assets, their actions and sacrifices were the contributions he received. It wan't 'his' movement but 'their' movement. That is why more than 60 years after independence, nearly 60 years after Mahatma Gandhi passed away, his name, his deeds, his ideas are talked with respect, are looked at for reference and guidance. For many people like, who were born much after Mahatma Gandhi passed away, his movement is like a lighthouse.

Will Obama be able to emulate his idol, will he able to move away from the culture of paid compaign, will he able to reinstall 'values' other than money, will he be able to instigate participation, commitment, sacrifice from individual Americans. Can he do that with personal example..? I hope he does... and wish him success .... and wish all of us success.

Cricket And Recession

Once there was a World Cup Cricket tournament. There was a lot of interest in the indian subcontinent. Punter were in full action. By the time tournament was through more than $2 billion dollars of betting business had taken place. For the next turn of the tournament there was more interest and betting amount had already crossed $5 billion before start of the tournament. Looking at this opportunity some business houses invested additional $5 billions. Stakes went up, business went up. Tournament was a huge success. Interest was rising so fast that even before this turn had ended people had started betting and investing for the next turn of the world cup. Not only better but even common people had started taking interest, started participating in betting. Venture funds, banks had started taking interest in this field of investment. This time business went up to $50 billion. Immediately in the next year after this tournament some analysts and consultants in London thought its too long to wait for the next turn. They came up with idea of virtual world cup cricket tournament. They bought some unknown cricketers. They hired Masters and PhDees from IITs and Harvards to make up the model. They convinced investment banks to invest $10 billion. Then they spent half a billion into world promotion. Now there was interest world over, even from places which did know what cricket was. Investments poured in from China, Russia, USA, Japan, Mexico, everywhere. Now $500 billions were backing up the initial $10 billions, Mood world over was buoyant. But alas, suddenly there was a terorist attack on Mumbai. World went into state of shock. There was big Om Fuss! Suddenly people realised that there was no tournament, no cup. The cricketers they had betted on were all small time players from by-lanes of Mumbai. The sky came down. It was named Recession.

 

In conventional old-time betting there used to some winners and some losers. This time there were no winners, all were losers. ALL LOSERS!

 

There was cry world over for governments to step in…………….